Catholic Recovery Ministries Weekly Musings

Open letter to God. 

3am. Feeling God like maybe I'm going to make it. I know you carry the load for me. And you've felt more pain then I could ever endure. I know you are carrying me as I look down and scream. Cry, and yelp out in pain. You whisper to me let me heal you. Trust me. I won't ever leave you. You are here. You have never left me. You never will. 
I'm blind, deaf, in the dark. Screaming. Asking to be saved from the waves that keep hitting me. As I gasp for air. 
You say stop struggling. Surrender. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Reach out to you. 
Even if the dark says no. 
My disease says give in to the darkness. It's real time. 
But my heart says no matter how broken give it to God. The end of my rope is frayed and ripping apart. 
And then I free fall. 
And that's when the healing begins. 
I ask you God can I have a remission of this pain. This suffering. I have not the strength you have. 
But God waits patiently. 
I'm never been alone. 
Oh My disease screams it in my ears, in my head. Your Alone and will never be free.....
But truly.....

God stands in between my disease and me. Always. 

Thank you God. For your remembrance of me. That you never leave me behind. Alone. Empty. Defeated. You lift me higher then any cliff. Then any cloud. Higher then any star. 
You free me. 
Forever yours
Oxoxox

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